We’re done with bacon, right? Finally? Everything’s been wrapped and infused and topped and garnished. Every animal worth eating has had it rammed into all of its available orifices. Every product has been flavored or scented. We made perfumes and floss and personal lubricant. There are shirts and socks and ties. Knick-knacks and Christmas ornaments in striped, wavy shapes. It’s finally over, right? The douchey, uninteresting posers have lost interest? Are we moving on to the avocado now? Avocados and toast? Kale? Cauliflower? Because those need to end too.
It’s about time for bacon’s demise to happen. Talk about overstaying your welcome. And I’ll come right out and say it because I'm not scared of the fiends.
Bacon — it’s not THAT great.
Seriously. It’s good. It’s not meme good. Have a couple slices on your burger. Pair it with some eggs. Wrap a scallop. Crumble it into your salad. Pull it out of your cargo shorts and eat it like jerky. But then move the freak on. It’s just food. It’s not a lifestyle. No matter how much you want it to be.
*Insert weird bacon dessert name here*
*Insert long complicated recipe here*
*Insert heart attack and funeral here*
*Insert me not caring enough to actually link or post anything here*