Too Many Drunks in the Kitchen

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So last week I had the bizarre and brilliant idea of baking whilst drinking/drunk. I'm not entirely sure why. In theory its awesome (aside from possibly burning your house down). You're baking, eating, and getting Olivia Pope-style wine wasted. I mean, think about it. What’s beats eating delicious chocolaty brownies fresh out of the oven? Being intoxicated while eating said brownies. Duh. 

Now, most of my friends are big drinkers. Some might even be borderline alcoholics. Pretty sure one is an alcoholic. So when I announced that I would be baking drunk that evening, they became very excited and insisted on helping. So they helped...by playing party games in the other room. Which was fine by me since I prefer to bake alone.

Reason 1)  I have a tiny ass kitchen that holds about one and a half ass at a time. 

Reason 2) Baking is hard to do with more than one person.  

I was really feeling lemon-y, as one often feels, so I decided to bake lemon raspberry bars. But one of my friends, let's call him Greg — because his name is actually Greg — decided it was his call of duty to "assist" me in the kitchen. In hindsight, Sober Greg might have actually been helpful. But Drunk Greg was not. He managed to ruin the lemon zest, put in two eggs instead of one, and drop a lemon in the freshly squeezed lemon juice causing it explode everywhere.

By this time, I was sober and irritated. So I kicked him out of the kitchen to go be Drunk Greg with our other friends. I re-did things he messed up and tried to salvage the recipe—I was victorious. 

However, in Drunk Greg's defense, I done some pretty dumb shit when sober too.

 

Recipe Here

 

 

 

Baking Broke

Pop quiz: What is the biggest lesson in finance? If you answered “Something something credit card debt” or “My mom told me to invest in stocks”, then you are WRONG (well, you’re probably sort of right). The biggest lesson in finance is to not spend money you don’t have! Which is exactly what I did. On baking supplies. For a cake I didn’t need to make. At 1:00 AM.

Look Ma, I’m fiscally responsible!  

To make this a more enjoyable read, try playing the Law and Order "Chung chung/Dun dun" sound in your head after each time stamp. Or not. You do you. 

10:31 PM - I’m sitting on my couch watching The Office for the umpteenth time when the Urge hits. The Urge hits me at random times and for different things. The Urge usually comes late at night. Sometimes it’s to go running at 11 o’clock at night — I wish this would hit around 4 PM and more frequently. Other times it's to build some complicated DIY art project for my mom’s friend's aunt's parakeet whose birthday is months away. But most of the time it’s an urge to bake. So I sat there and pondered over whether or not to drag my butt to the store and get ingredients for a cake with only $40 in my bank account. 

10:49 PM- The Urge is getting stronger and I find myself looking up fun recipes with not a lot of ingredients. ‘Cuz mo’ ingredients = mo’ money. I settle on an easy double Dutch chocolate upside-down cake

11:01 PM- I drag my butt to Kroger to shop with all the other weirdos who do their shopping at bizarre hours. Random aside: PeopleofWalmart.com is a gloriously strange site that doesn't leave me with any questions on why other countries typecast Americans the way they do. And reminds me why I don't like shopping at Walmart. :)

11:30ish- They rearranged Kroger, and I get lost and aimlessly wander around looking for items. But I did discover Kroger sells stuff I thought I could only get at World Market. I did an internal happy dance while my bank account cried some more. 

11:45 PM- Self-checkout is broken and I'm forced to interact with another human being. The mere thought makes me shudder. 

11:48 PM- My bank account strangles me. I kind of want to strangle me. Remaining balance is a whopping $9.31, and it has to last me until I get my next paycheck in 7 days. But this cake will be amaze-balls. Hopefully. Otherwise I'm fucked. HA. Let's be honest. I'm already fucked, but at least I'll have a cake to help compensate. 

12:07 AM-  Parking on my street sucks and I have to park half a block away from my apartment. My street is also creepy AF at night because we don't have streetlights, so I scurry home before I get put in a Criminal Minds episode. (Not pertinent to the story, but I want strangers to know I'm brave.)

12:13 AM- Fuck. I'm craving coffee. (I also want them to know I really like coffee.)

12:20 AM- With the oven prepped to 350 degrees, all the ingredients out in front of me, and fresh coffee in hand, I get to work. 

12:21-2:50 AM- In a mixing bowl, I stir together the flour, granulated sugar, cocoa powder, baking powder, and salt. Then I add the milk, the butter and 1 tsp of the vanilla, and stir until blended. I sing the "I'M A NUT" song and dance as I stir in the nuts. This is why I am single...and I'm obviously very torn up about it. With the weird children/stoner song over, I then pour the batter into a greased 9x13 inch pan.

In a small bowl, I combine the brown sugar with the 1/4 cup cocoa powder and stir well. Then I spread the mixture over the batter in the pan whilst making baseball jokes to myself. Baseball, batter. Get it?...Sorry. Using a large spoon, I drizzle 1 and 1/2 cups boiling water over the cake. 

I bake it for 40 to 45 minutes, or just until the top of the cake is firm. After letting the cake cool slightly, I cut the cake into squares and place them upside down (gooey side up) on dessert plates and serve to friends.

Or put it in the fridge because it's 3 AM, and no one else is awake. 

 

Double-Dutch Chocolate Fudge Upside-Down Cake
Serves 8-10

INGREDIENTS
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup granulated sugar, divided use
2 tablespoons, plus 1/4 cup cocoa powder
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup milk (some people use buttermilk to have a richer cake, but I think good ol' regular 2% works perfect) 
2 tablespoons melted butter
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract, divided use
1/2 cup chopped walnuts  (this is optional, but I like my cakes to have some crunch) 
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 1/2 cups water 

What If All Advertising Suddenly Ceased?

Let’s get hypothetical, hypothetical!

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I’m interrupting my usual food-based rants to say: The robots are coming, the robots are coming!

In the last 60 years automation has only really eliminated one occupation. The beloved elevator operator. However, the exponential growth of our current technological revolution makes today and tomorrow an entirely different beast from the industrial revolution. As Jerry Kaplan writes in Humans Need Not Apply: automation is “blind to the color of your collar.” While it may seem obvious that some of the first jobs to be taken over by machines are the low-skill factory line jobs, it really doesn’t matter whether your job is a low-skill one or one that requires an MBA like a financial advisor. Automation is coming for your job, one way or another.

However, in all of this, I’ve constantly heard that my field of work is safe from the robots. It’s a field that requires human interaction (to an extent) and critical, creative, and empathetic thinking—advertising.

And yes, I agree that most advertising and marketing jobs are safe. Media buying is being automated so that’s on the way out. But we will still need Account to quell the clients, Strategy to know why humans do what they do, and Creative to…well, do the creative. Even if we had AI at Robocop’s skill level, I don’t foresee any of the jobs being taken over by machines.

All of this is my super long-winded intro for what this is really about: what if all forms of advertising ceased to exist? Let’s say advertising for whatever reason, maybe the robot takeover, was made illegal.

First thoughts? So many people would rejoice. No more obnoxious pop-ups. No more banner ads following you as you jump from site to site. No more commercial breaks that feel just as long as the show itself.

Second thoughts? Holy shit, say goodbye to the economy. Capitalism as we know it would be gone. The economic ramifications would be astronomical. Advertising plays a central role in the availability of many things ranging from internet products like Google and Facebook to network television and publications. Without the ability to advertise, these services would have to find another way to monetize, presumably by charging a fee or a higher fee than the one that currently exists. This would lower overall internet usage and accessibility of information. Television and radio stations would also have to move to a subscription model, like Netflix and Disney+. Without advertising to supplement costs, prices would rise significantly.

Without “alluring” advertisements, consumers would buy less. They would also be much less informed and make more inefficient purchases. This in turn would result in less innovation as people rely on what they know, not the new information gained from advertisements.

Now, most people hate advertising. Like really hate it. They think it’s obtrusive, obnoxious, and manipulative. It drives consumerism, which many argue is heavily linked to unhappiness and over-consumption. And many think they are immune to advertising effects.

However, while we often think of advertising in terms of individual campaigns—the majority of which don’t lead to you (or me) buying the product or service being advertised—this micro level view misses the bigger picture of just how influential advertising as a whole actually is. After all, a single ad airing a single time isn’t likely to affect society in a noticeable way. But thousands of ads airing thousands of times over the course of several decades? That’s a different story. Because when we look at advertising as a social and cultural phenomenon, the situation is strikingly different.

One of the most oft-cited examples of advertising shaping society is the De Beers engagement ring story. (The abridged version: De Beers basically made buying diamonds an engagement norm.)

Broader examples can be found in the way today’s society covets consumer goods. And how we’ve come to equate particular brands with particular lifestyles. And how owning products made by the so-called best brands has become something to aspire to.

But today more than ever has brands talking with consumers rather than at them. Brands are fostering dialogue around social issues and taking stands on behalf their customers. Some are doing it louder and prouder than others—Nike case in point. But the millennial generation and the ones that are following are showing that we want to buy from companies who have a voice and are willing to put their stake in the ground for causes they believe in. But it certainly helps if their beliefs align with ours.

I got into advertising because I believe in it’s power for good. I remember watching Ad Council and other PSA commercials when I was younger and being so fascinated. These were campaigns that were a force for the betterment of society, and they could create awareness, show the importance of a problem or issue, convey information, or promote a behavioral change without promoting the need to purchase something. It’s now more than ever that I believe in advertising’s power to change the world. But I work in advertising to be on the inside and have the ability to utilize it to improve society.

So while not entirely drinking the advertising Kool-Aid, I do think that if advertising suddenly ceased to exist, the world woudn’t thrive as some may believe. But just to sum everything up, my college advertising program said it best: Better advertising, better world.

Life Begins At…The Conferral Of A Degree?

So it turns out that after you leave school after being a prisoner student for 18 years, a few things happen.

For one, you start to feel like a human being who deserves love and respect as opposed to a withering skin husk filled with dry erase marker fumes and the excuses of a thousand and one terrible group project partners.

You also realize that school prepared you for everything and nothing at the same time. It’s an interesting paradox to be in when you can estimate nonlinear mixed effects models (holla at my almost statistics minor) and how to write and create a kick-ass presentation deck, but you don’t know how to approach the customer service counter to tell the representative that your limited-edition, hand-painted mixer arrived cracked and was therefore unusable. Or maybe that’s just a me problem.

But now I’ve entered the quasi-real world, and I’ve been here for roughly 6 months. I packed up most of my shit, and I moved to the Big Apple, which looks nothing like a large apple from my plane seat window (please laugh at my not-funny dad joke. My fragile, writer self-esteem depends on it). Anyway, I say quasi-real world because I feel like when I enter the true, 100%, no-doubt-about-it, real world will be when I am a true adult.

And I binged watched all four Shrek movies and ate dino nuggets last weekend, so true adulthood has yet to arrive.

The third thing I’ve realized is that I thought I didn’t have energy or time in college to bake (save for the times at two or three in morning when I couldn’t sleep). However, it turns out when you enter the real world and go to work for eight or nine plus hours a day, and occasionally need to work on weekends, then you really have no time or energy. Yes, I could bake on the weekends, but that is time reserved for exploring the city, boozy brunches (does saying that make me basic?), and sleeping.

But this past weekend I was semi-productive and had the energy to try and bake in my teeny-tiny NYC apartment kitchen. So, to my roommates’ delight, I made peppermint merengue cookies in the spirit of the cold weather and holiday season that immediately descended upon us post-Thanksgiving.